Although sexual enjoyment raises Oxytocin levels in the brain, along with other endorphins which bring about that after-sex good mood, relaxed state and connectivity to one’s partner, not everyone feels that great emotionally after sex. And it may happen sometimes but not others. There have been some recent studies which are designed to determine the causes. So far, the evidence is inconclusive. There are many hypotheses, most with real thought provocation, but still no real answers. Individuals have reported that they have had great first time sexual experiences with a willing partner but the second or even third attempt to replicate that first wild, passionate experience has been elusive. I expect that there are a number of intervening factors. For example: You meet someone new. There is an immediate attraction. You seem to share a connection on some level. Chemistry, if you will. Signals are sent and received, returned and established. Mutual agreement is reached. It progresses well. Very well! You both have achieved an exhilarating and satisfying sexual encounter. There is that expected feeling of elevated mood…euphoria, maybe. You both agree to meet again for more of the same. When you do meet again, days, weeks or even months later, your expectations are high. And rightfully so. If the first time with a new sex partner was that good, imagine how good it should be now that you both know what to expect. Should be? Of course, it must be at least as good as the first time. And then, it isn’t. What just happened, you may ask yourself. You might find that they aren’t as “into it” as last time. You may notice things that you overlooked last time. Minor imperfections that went unnoticed. Things they did that felt so good just don’t feel the same this time. Or they don’t do them again and you don’t know why but may be too shy or uncomfortable to ask. If you do ask and they repeat the previously exciting maneuver, it just isn’t the same. The whole experience becomes less exciting and more frustrating. If you tend to question yourself and are prone to self doubt you probably will begin asking yourself what you did to sabotage the event. Or if you tend to externalize blame, you will most likely suspect that your new sex partner is holding back, or wasn’t as good as you remembered. Questions, either way. Searching for answers that may not be available to you. Was it all just pretend? Did I overestimate the quality of our first encounter? Is that person nothing but a “one-trick-pony?” You may have a case of unrealistic expectations. Trying to repeat a performance in the exact manner could be way too unreasonable. Remember this: You began each session with a completely different idea of what to expect. Great expectations often bring with them devastating results. Perhaps it wasn’t truly devastating, but it was a major disappointment, for sure. If you try again on a later date with the same or worse results then you might give up and delete the contact. Might be the best decision thus far (after the first, toe-curling, mind-blowing one). Sure, there will be disappointment and hopefully acceptance that lightning rarely strikes twice. Have you given up on those first time encounters which may or may not be beyond all hopes and fantasies? Up to you, but with a little previous experience to draw from you may decide not to go for the second act. Or you might ask for an encore after a brief intermission. That should get it out of the way and do away with the wait and wonder routine. However, if you give it some forethought, maybe you will go after the replay with slightly lower expectations. You might be disappointed again, but not as much. And it may prevent the long-term effect of disillusionment. We can’t always be 100% all the time. Hell, how often can we be 100% any of the time? I say shoot for the 90% range and work your way down from there. If you hit the 100 mark once, it’s a big win. If you get that mark from your partner, then you’ve won the jackpot. Another bit of food for thought is that your own satisfaction rating is way more important that someone else’s critical score keeping. Expect the best and enjoy the rest, whether it’s the first time or a double header. Ignore the pun. I will pretend I didn’t notice.