Tune in to any regular weekly television program. Comedy, drama or mystery; it doesn’t matter. At least one of the story lines focuses on the subject of sex. It may involve dating or relationships, but the underlying theme is typically sex. Characters in these programs are looking for sex, trying to avoid it, or are being motivated to do something significant by it. They get married, divorced, arrested, even hurt or killed because of it. Well, sex is important. It’s interesting, fun and mysterious. It’s also a major part of our lives. But it is complicated. It doesn’t need to be, but let’s face it, it is. It’s one of society’s most controversial topics. It changes the way we view ourselves and each other. It changes the laws that govern our lives. Sex is basic to our humanity. So why is it always in the media in one form or another? Because it is important!
So, back to the question at hand: Am I having enough sex? First we must ask ourselves: “How much is enough?” The questions which follow are: “How much is too much?” “Who decides?” Sorry to say, the answers are not here. When someone asks me one of these questions, I do what really gets people riled up. I ask them a question right back. Because there are no simple answers. Consider this. If I told you, for example, that 3-5 times per week is enough (hypothetically, of course) and you are usually having sex twice a week, what would your reaction be? Yep, that’s right. Now, I have to stop right here and ask this question. What exactly do you mean by “sex”? I know that most of us define sex as intercourse. Most of us? Well, many of us. What type of intercourse is that? I’m really not trying to frustrate you here but please, just bear with me for a moment. We need to make sure we’re talking about the same things. So, if we define intercourse as penis-in-vagina, that’s one type. But there are others. Right? OK. Backing up a bit, what about oral sex? Yeah. Anal sex? Yes. Masturbation? You bet. I could go on, but you get the point.
Again, back to the question: Am I having enough sex? Again, I have to ask a question right back. Do you feel that you are? If your answer is no, then you probably aren’t having enough. I say ‘probably’ because what matters is this: Is that your final answer? Is it enough for you but not someone else? Who? Don’t answer until you’re sure. Enough, too much, not enough. Is it satisfying? Really? At this point you probably want some answers. Well, I don’t blame you. I can quote statistics, but that doesn’t help if you aren’t satisfied, does it? I’m all for statistics, but not in this case. We’re all different and we can’t judge ourselves by the standards that others set for us. That’s why we, as professionals don’t set standards, minimums, maximums or judgments. Sex is not a competitive sport. It’s not something that requires grading. We don’t give marks for performance or for effort. We strive for satisfaction, not perfection.
When you ask: Am I having enough sex? I want you to be able to answer that question in a very positive way.